Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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