I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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