Fuck appropriateness.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
