When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
