Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
