I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
