I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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