was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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