i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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