none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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