And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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