i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
