your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
