dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
