just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have fence marks all over my body
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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