You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
