threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
