We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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