He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
