SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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