Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
