Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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