areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
