WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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