it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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