I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
