This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
