She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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