Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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