hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
