she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
