he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
