I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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