i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
