Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
