Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
