Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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