Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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