so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
