Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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