Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
