i can't believe i had my finger in that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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