Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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