I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
