Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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