so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Mom said you looked used
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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