Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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