i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
