I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Couch. On fire.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
