do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
