omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
