Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
