why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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