apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
