4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
