My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
