we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
