I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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