I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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