I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
