Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
