So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
