in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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