I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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