no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
