THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
