R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
