Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
