I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
