last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
