There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I can't turn off my feet"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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