Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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