So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
A+ Viking dick
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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