so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
