Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
