R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
