somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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