tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
