Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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