these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
