so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
even my farts smell like vagina
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
