Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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