Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
