May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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