Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
