seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
