I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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