I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
