My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
