Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
