Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I stole a fireplace last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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