It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
