just come out here and I will go home with you...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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